Day 48-Quarantine Day #28

“Every man must decide whether he will walk in the light of creative altruism or in the darkness of destructive selfishness.” – Martin Luther “The King” Jr.

As I have had time to myself during this mental break/ quarantine there are common themes that keep plaguing me, the most common one of them all is SELFISHNESS…me being exposed to a very selfish person and not having strong and consistent boundaries as well as being aware of a global pandemic where it is advised to stay inside of your home yet entitled ass, selfish ass people are determined to keep their normal way of life by any means necessary because you know…“I am an American and it’s the American thing to do”..but I digress..

While the first situation has taught me that there is a level of selfishness that we all must have to preserve and honor ourselves, it is also our responsibility to be aware that in an effort to be true to ourselves, we are not consciously hurting others…which is a hard concept to balance when you are pro-selfishness in all situations and have no concept or regard for other people’s feelings but that is an awareness that one must learn and reach on their own…or maybe a “Come to Jesus” moment would have to happen for this balance to take place…but it is not my burden to carry nor my thoughts to wonder if those that have hurt others with their selfishness understand the magnitude of the damage they have caused..It is only my responsibility to be self aware about where I fucked up and where I fucked up was when I recognized the selfish behavior and how it was hurtful to me, instead of dipping out realizing that you can’t help any grown person realize how there needs to be some sort of altruism in your endeavors to chose self…I fucked up to where I recognized the behavior and should have broke my heart early…instead I waited it out and ended up getting MORE fucked up in the long run..Again TRUTH HURTS and its ugly….but its my truth to bear…

But the latter..the latter is a harder concept for me to wrap my mind around because we have people dying globally in droves of hundreds day by day and yet to alleviate some of the mortality that we have on what seems to be a constant basis, people would rather stay out the house and ignore recommendations of social distancing just because they don’t feel like they should have to..Such a hard concept for me to understand and for multiple different reasons..first I got anxiety like a muthafucka and don’t trust people in my real life, fuck I look like trusting that literal strangers are outchea doing what they supposed to do..hard pass on that..then I care about those in my family A conscious would eat me up inside if I not only was the one who caught something and brought it back to my family but if I or someone in my family literally had to be secluded and alone to fight this hellfire of a’s just not worth it..and lastly though I don’t know all people in the world individually I care about the well being of others and if me doing my part is sacrificing and staying in the fucking house…I’M STAYING IN THE FUCKING HOUSE!!! Period..pooh..

So in choosing to do my part, I have decided to sacrifice by staying in the house..ordering groceries, medicine, and other needed items by delivery but MOST IMPORTANTLY finding the best way to give my support to those who are in need by sharing my gifts to the world…I am making the decision to walk in the light of creative altruism…truly blazing a trail in which I can be most selfless the best way I know to those that are in need. In a world where it is easy to succumb to the darkness of selfishness as we have the means to overindulge as our heart’s desire and aren’t obligated to explain what others think or feel about it..we must realize how inevitably destructive that behavior is and how it can infringe upon our journey of balance for we must be equal parts selfless as we are selfish…when we master the balance, it’s in that regard that we become responsible in properly loving and honoring ourselves so that we have enough insight and compassion to love and care for others without any expectation of reward or gain in return….